LAURIE C. SCHULTZ

This section will explore some of my more creative works... 

SILLY ME
(A Christmas Tragedy)

by Laurie C. Schultz

Late one night at half past two
I heard a rustling noise
Silly me, I never knew
Santa was bringing toys

I went downstairs and grabbed my gun
But tripped over the tree
I put a bullet in his head
Now all the kids hate me

The funeral was very nice
They spoke fine things of him
I showed up to pay my respects
But they would not let me in

The kids throw stones; they egg my house
They think it's really funny
But come April I'll have the last laugh
When I kill their Easter Bunny

ODE TO FESTIVUS:
l.c.s.

'Twas the night before Festivus
And here in my home
I was thanking the stars
That I live here alone

No kids to leave fingerprints
On my glass table top
No husband expecting
My standards to drop

Just me and the kitties
With eggnog galore
Don't mind if I do
Help myself to some more

The kitties were chasing each other
Up and down the tree
Breaking some of the branches
And angering me

There's Jeebus LasVegas,
Little Hee Haw, & Spanky
And Piglet is known
For being quite cranky

Mephisto (the beta)
With each day that goes by
Is nearing that big
Toilet bowl in the sky

The aluminum pole sits
And shines by the window
Anticipation for Festivus
Makes me feel I'm in limbo

The airing of grievances
And feats of strength contest
Are the two Festivus customs
I personally like best

As I wait for midnight
And the minutes tick by
I must distract myself
With some CSI

So I'll pour me another
Double rum and eggnog
And with any luck
I will sleep like a log

To awake unto Festivus
In all of its glory
(I can just hear you saying,
"Get on with it, Laurie")

So Happy Festivus
To you and to all of your family
Have a drink, pin someone down
And air a grievance for me!